


clarity and conquest

by junxouji



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Gentleness, M/M, Relationship(s), Slow Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 20:41:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junxouji/pseuds/junxouji
Summary: Jongin decides it's time to give Sehun a chance.





	clarity and conquest

Jongin had never noticed.

 

In retrospect, he could not imagine not being able to see what is  _ clear _ as day. The gravity of Sehun’s feelings for him had went completely unnoticed. The blossoming warmth that spread across Sehun’s tight withdrawn chest every time Jongin came near was wreaking havoc. It stirred up his insides and left him completely  _ breathless _ . For Sehun, it was odd how Jongin hadn’t noticed. It was written across his honeyed hues in desperation:  _ I am in love with you _ .

 

For anyone who was not Jongin it was evident as day. Even for those who knew nothing about Sehun,  _ knew _ . It was a testament to Jongin’s ability to overlook things. Or perhaps it was the fear that things might  _ change _ if he takes notices in the inconsistencies of their friendships compared to those of their friends. They had odd rituals. Friday nights were an unspoken  _ theirs _ . It was often spent watching new movies, finding a bingsu place to go, or just studying together when the exhaustion of university exams loomed over them. Despite spending such a large majority of time together whenever they managed to be apart there was constant communication between them. When they were together Sehun was somehow always touching him. Whether it be his pink intertwined with his own, their thighs pressing together, or linked arms - it didn’t matter  _ what _ , it almost felt like Sehun thought he might drift away.

 

So when his best friend appears at his apartment in the middle of a weekday night a mess and blurting out his confessions Jongin is caught off guard. Sehun’s eyes are aching and his usually composed personality is breaking, spilling out at the edges. It occurs that somewhere over the years Sehun has managed to outgrow him but despite that he still manages to look so  _ small _ .

 

“Jongin, don’t just stay silent. Answer me.” Sehun says, voice cracked and lacking the composure that made Sehun… well,  _ Sehun _ .

 

Jongin had  _ known _ . 

 

He had tried impossibly hard to pretend he didn't know but how could he not? He knew Sehun best. He recognized the longing in his friend’s gaze and when it became apparent that  _ want _ was directed towards  _ him _ … he knew he had to preserve their friendship. Jongin had thought he was doing the  **right** thing. Yet, seeing Sehun in his doorway looking seconds away from crumbling suggested maybe Jongin had been unintentionally cruel by ignoring his feelings.

 

“Sehun, come inside. It’s cold.” Jongin says softly.

 

Sehun had been there when Jongin experienced heartbreak for the first and second time. Jongin had always had this  _ desire _ to be  _ wanted _ . Yet, he remained too aloof to make the girls he dated happy. Jongin remembers the crushing blows of being dumped. It was pitying glances and the regret that made Jongin feel so small. Peering over at Sehun who is silently removing his shoes before he steps in, he realizes how cruel he has truly been.

 

Jongin disappears into the kitchen to return with a mug of hot chocolate. He sits it on his coffee table gesturing for Sehun to take it so he can warm up. He sinks down into the worn cushions of his sofa, tugging at his sleeves to feel a little more comfortable.

 

No matter what, Jongin couldn’t continue to hurt Sehun.

 

That much was certain to Jongin who would do anything to ensure Sehun’s happiness. Whereas, he was uncertain and  _ scared _ of Sehun’s feelings for him he also knew the other would never do anything to hurt him. Sehun would be a good boyfriend. Jongin just felt torn because he was uncertain if one day he could return his best friend’s feelings. He did not want to do anything that would do  _ more _ damage between them.

 

“Sehun,” Jongin begins when Sehun finally sits, “You know I love you but I don’t know if it’s the type of love you want from me. I don’t really know where my feelings are. I just know I don’t want to hurt you and do not want you to feel bad because of me.”

 

Sehun’s gaze drops, thumbing over a hole in his jeans.

 

“I do know, however, I am always happiest with you. I know that we do a lot of things that cross the boundaries of friendship. Being your best friend is amazing and somehow I know being your…  _ boyfriend _ would be equally as amazing. I would like to try with you…” Jongin’s voice trails off.

 

Sehun’s eyes snap upwards again.

 

“I just don’t want to rush anything. I want time for my mind to digest you’re not just a friend anymore. You know me. I hate changes and they’re really hard for me. But, I think the fairest thing I can do right now is give you a chance… and give myself a chance to properly love you back.”

 

Jongin has known and yet he hasn’t run away for a reason. Sehun’s love and care would never harm him. How could he not admire such pure feelings? How could he not offer the other a chance? It was admirable. His fingers shyly move towards Sehun’s, squeezing his fingers slightly before adding a smile.

 

“Did you think I was going to be disgusted?”

 

“Maybe. I wasn’t sure what you would think.”

 

“You’ll always be my best friend, Sehunnie. But somehow, I think dating your best friend is probably the only way to do it, right?”

 

Sehun’s smile is gentle but promising. “It only took you to the third try to figure it out.”


End file.
